Annelie's story.a dossier on Tvind, Planet Aid and IICD

 

Annelie, 20, from Sweden, was among seven students who left The College for International Cooperation and Development (CICD) at Winestead Hall, England, in January 2000.

See also:   CICD
                   Rebellion at the CICD

by Annelie Karlqvist

One day in the middle of June I found an advert in the newspapers. "Volunteer in Africa", with a six months preparation course before, it said. I read it and thought it sounded very interesting, but since I already had got a job and other plans for next year I just wrote it down for "future adventures". I couldn't leave it just like that though, and I went in to the web page, which was written in the advert and the more I read the more interested I got.

After some thought back and forward and discussions with my family and closest friends I was "lost". This was what I really wanted to do now, no matter what plans I had before. The thought of helping by acting in a country like Africa was just a dream come true.

I filled in an application form I found on the web site, and I got in contact with a woman working for HUMANA People to People in Denmark.

I was surprised, or more overwhelmed, of how fast everything was happening. One and at half Week after I fund the advert, I went to Copenhagen to meet this woman for an information meeting, and enrolled myself for a course starting the first of November at CICD in England.

Great! I thought, now I can practise my English as well.

I was told that there were schools in Denmark and Norway as well, but I was hoping for the one in England.

My money situation was very bad for the moment and many times I doubted that I would make it for the course fee, which was very high by the way. But I counted and counted and if I saved all my salaries and worked until November, I could do it. So I saved and saved and didn't do much else during this time.

The date was approaching, I spoke twice to one of the two "teachers" over at the college, and I got more and more excited. I had never heard anything about HUMANA People to People before and I didn't really look for "bad parts" within this organisation either. When I think about it I didn't know much at all. Everything happened so fast and with all the practical things around me I didn't know what I was going to meet when I came to England. Even more exciting I thought! And it was a big thing for me

Before going I had a lot of difficulties with flight tickets and money. But I solved it and the first of November I went to the airport with the only expectation that it was going to be hard work (that was what I was told anyway) and a lot of new experiences.

It was my first time in England and London was a big place (well, I just saw the airport and the way out to the coach station), but with 32 kg of luggage it was a heavy adventure...

When I arrived in Hull I was picked up by the headmaster and some other students, and we went by car out to the school, which was located way outside of Hull!

I was a bit disappointed when I came, because I was told to come as soon as possible around the first, and I got the feeling that I was going to be late when I couldn't arrive before the evening that date. When I came there though I was the second out of twelve from my team to be there and the others would arrive during the whole November.

Why tell me one thing so I almost felt bad about it, and then another thing to the others?

That was the first, but not the only time I had that feeling...

Since we were so few people at the college (seven students when I got there) we became very close, and even though we came from six different countries we could talk to each other and feel with each other. We were all in the same situation.

In the beginning everything was new and a lot just because of that, I thought...

Breakfast at 7.30 and then followed the daily schedule. There were a lot of practical things we had to do; cleaning, responsibility areas (everything from to take care of the sewage to the food budget, or computers), sports and the meals. We had a rota for breakfast, lunch and dinner and if you were on one of them you had to count with at least one extra hour before and after the meals, to take care of the dishes as well.

Apart from this we had study time and courses, and each Week we had to reach a target of study points which was very high and difficult to reach considering all the other things we had to do. So after these full days, did we have the evenings free? No....

Every evening we had some kind of evening program; culture evening, group meeting, song evening etc. We had a good time, but after ten or eleven p.m. one was very tired and if you wanted to write a personal letter or just have some time for yourself, it was after that time you could really "relax".

We had also activities during the weekends (except for 1 w-e / month), so no sleep in there either.

Myself and three other guys wanted to do some more physical training, but since there were no time during the days we started to get up at 6.15 a.m. (before breakfast) four times/ Week, to do both running and cycling twice a Week. We made it a task and could get points for doing it. I remember once when we were about to start to run one morning, and I said to the others "This is crazy!", "Yes, but we'll get points for it!"...

After a while we were thinking "points, points, points" all the time. It became a "point-hunting" everything we did, and you didn't do the tasks you were most interested in, you did the tasks from which you could get the most and easiest points.

We were always jumping from one thing to another with no time to sit down and relax.

We had a lot of discussions about these points, where we tried to explain the pressure we felt all the time, and where we came up with a lot of suggestions and conclusions of how to make it easier to go on and deal with it. Without success though.

We were told that it's always hard in the beginning, and that the time is enough. It's just up to us how we plan our time and organise everything. This is a good way of preparation before going to Africa and if we weren't able to handle a situation like this (whit a lot of pressure etc.), how would we be able to go to Africa then?! That we felt this pressure was "normal" in the beginning (although we had been there for over a month!), and we would get use to it. There were no other ways of doing this (concerning the points), this system was a very modern and good system, and it was the right and only way to do it.

" You can never say that something's impossible to do if you don't give it a try first". That we had been trying and always did our best were nothing they would talk about. If we wanted to give up we were free to go...

...so we continued with Africa in our minds and after a while I got use to be tired all the time. I looked forward to Christmas when I was going home, and when I could relax and breath.

We had also a lot of other discussions, especially about the money (course fee) and the Fund Raising. The target my team had to reach every time we were out fundraising was very high, and if you were realistic, impossible to reach. But once again "you can't say that something's impossible before you've given it a try!". They didn't want to see the problems and when we tried to be realistic it was up to us to do something about it instead of complaining.

The questions were many and the answers were few, and sometimes I asked myself if all this was worth it. Why were they so stubborn about the points and so unwilling to change (not completely!) the system when they saw how hard it was? How could it be that we had to fundraise so much and still always was under budget? Could everything really be so expensive? I mean, the course fee wasn't cheap! How come that a discussion (argumentation) always finished with them "talking around" the question so the problem no longer existed when they were done?

I remember one argumentation when I tried to "interrupt" to be able to say and give my point of view (I knew it would be too late otherwise) and I was "shut down" three times - No Annelie, not now! / No Annelie, I'm talking now! / - Shut up Annelie and let me finish. That doesn't make you fell very well...

Other questions came up as well, like does the money that comes from Europe and all over the world really stay within the projects in Africa? I had heard from a safe resource that so wasn't the case...and I wasn't the only one to be suspicious.

But since there were their words against my "suspicious" and I didn't have any straight answers, no black and white proof, I continued with the hope to find "good answers". I wanted to believe in their explanations and that it was only "the way they were" (the way they treated us many times). And I didn't have the time to look for answers either, nor the strength (one Week I slept 5 hours/ night in a row just to have the time to do everything I had to do and wanted to do). It was also very easy to look above it and just "follow the stream", listen to their "accusations", try to deal with it and go on. I mean, it was for a good cause (?!) and I really wanted to go to Africa. I wasn't the only one in this situation either, and I had a great time as well with all the lovely people I got to know.

Two months of hard physical and psychological work went on and the closer I got to Christmas, the more I was looking forward to come home and "breath", take it easy and sleep in!

I went home and promised myself not to be so eager and to take it easier the next four months, because I knew that I wouldn't make it otherwise. And how could I explain for my family and friends that this really is a good way of learning? How could I tell them about the hard times without making them worried and how to make them as convinced as I was about this? Because this was a right thing to do, the thing I wanted to do! Wasn't it?...

I spent a beautiful Christmas with my family and I enjoyed being home. Although it was difficult to just sit down and relax. It felt (and still feels) like I have to do something with my "spare time". Something's wrong if I don't do anything all the time.

After the Christmas weekend, the same day I was suppose to take vaccinations for the "trip", two of my very best friends came and visited me. I thought it was "just" a happy surprise, but this visit changed my future big time!

We sat down with my parents and they told and showed (!) me all the information they'd found about Humana, CICD, Tvind and the whole movement around it. It was a big shock and the more I heard and read, the bigger it got. It was so scary because I could finally see the connections, the structure, explanations, answers and I saw the meaning of everything. I had hoped for "good answers" and I couldn't realise that it was so big and world-wide, but suddenly it made sense. I could never imagine that something like this existed and that I, myself, would be "involved". This was something that happens to other people, but I was in the middle of it.

The first thing I could think about was how to get in touch with everybody else in my team, and the other team who was at the college. A big "information- society" started and the following Week consisted of translations, e mailing, phone calls and so on. I planned to go back to the college, but just to pick up my things, get the chance to see the others again, and to confront the "teachers". It was like a movie and the one and a half day I was back at the college I saw everything so much clearer. The way they reacted and acted when we told them what we knew and our reasons to quit, it just made it easier to leave the school because they realised everything I've read and heard about it. To see how little they cared when we walked out of the room and left the school was only that a confession for me that I did the right thing. How could I be safe in Africa with these people if they didn't care and tried to do something to "keep us" when I was still in England?

The hard thing though, was to say good bye to all my friends before going. Will I ever see them again? When? What will happen how? What about the ones who weren't able to go? I'm sure that some day we'll meet again, even if it won't be "tomorrow", but feelings and confusion was (and will be) around for a long time a guess...

We were seven people leaving the college the following two days and the reason why is still "in the air". Hopefully we can together come out with as much information about this as possible, before it's too late.

I'm sure that if I would have stayed two more months before going home, it would be very difficult to get myself out of there. You start to think like them after a while, and how couldn't you, when all you see around you is the college and all you hear stay and come from the "inside". That's why it's so important to spread the both sides of information. The outside is too good to doubt and very easy to believe in, but if you come to close to the inside and the middle it will be very difficult not to get stuck in it. And that could be even dangerous...

Annelie, 20 years old from Sweden.